Breaking Rules
by The Dead Fish
Summary: *Things I shouldn't do at Hogwarts Challenge* Where would we be if everyone would always stick to the rules?
1. Big Black Sex Auror

**I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a "Big Black Sex Auror"**

Of course, it was commonly assumed that the aurors guarding Hogwarts when Voldemort was out there and up to whatever he was up to was a good idea. A marvellous idea, actually, everyone felt safer that way, and there was no doubt that way more parents would have taken their children out of school if this measure wouldn't have been taken.

However, there were complications that no one had foreseen.

"I should really think that you were mature enough to stand above this kind of behaviour", Professor McGonagall announced in class. Again, some pupils who luckily remained anonymous had been out to the borders of the ground where the aurors were stationed and amused themselves by encouraging their guardians: "Go [insert name of auror here] go!", was the most uncreative way, followed by "Oh gosh, there's a butterfly trying to cross the border! Get him! GET HIM!" Others were singing random songs about guardians, some with altered lyrics, some not, or commenting the auror's patrolling like a sports game (the magic megaphone had mysteriously disappeared after the last Quidditch match, for, it was generally assumed by both shocked teachers and grinning students, exactly that purpose; however, it reappeared before it had been in use, and no connection was ever proven).

Parvati and Lavender burst into helpless giggles. "Miss Patil? Miss Brown?", the teacher asked, tightening her lips disapprovingly. "These aurors are here to protect you. I do believe they deserve your respect." Parvati couldn't help herself. "But we do respect them. Especially the big black sex auror." Both girls almost fell off their chairs with laughter they couldn't fight back, and this time several other girls joined in, though mostly hiding it better than Parvati and Lavender.

Professor McGonagall, however, was not amused.


	2. Darth Vader

It was the legendary Battle of Hogwarts, something Professor Binns would teach generations of bored students to come about. Lee Jordan, however, wasn't currently thinking of the fame that awaited him in future history books. He felt more like one of the lost boys from Peter Pan encountering Hook while they were only prepared to fight any of the other pirates.

The Dark Lord raised his wand to end that feeling, along with any other, and Lee decided to flee forward, breaking one of the last rules he hadn't yet. "Hey, Tom", he said cheerfully. "Who's your father? Darth Vader?"

"I should be so lucky", Voldemort hissed. "He, at least, has style."

Lee stared at him. Parts of his brain were still busy telling other parts that he wasn't dead when he realized what kept him living for these thirty seconds might buy him another couple of them.

"True, true", he said, nodding serenely. "Especially that black cloak of his. Very stylish." The neurons that had been going _you're alive you're alive you're alive_ gave up and went to screaming at the top of their little mental voices: _STAR WARS! You're talking 'bout STAR WARS with You-Know-Who! _

Well, there probably were worse ways to safe one's life.

Voldemort raised his eyebrows, or would if he had had any. "Are you trying to say I copied from him?"

"No, not at all", Lee hurried to assure him, then plunged into cold water and added: "I would rather call it an elegant reference."

"Yes, so would I", Voldemort said. "Altogether, a really nice movie. Amazing that a bunch of muggles should be up to something like it." Contemplative, he lowered his wand.

Lee saw his chance and took to the heels.


	3. Aliens

** I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts**

"Did you know that over in America, aliens have landed?", Luna asked all innocently at breakfast.

"No they haven't", Padma Patil sighed, but a group of other Ravenclaws who usually wouldn't sit anywhere near Luna eagerly leaned closer, trying to look unsuspicious.

"They have, you know", Luna answered solemnly. "They are trying to merge into human society to study our behaviour to find out if we can be of any use to them. I wouldn't know if I hadn't found those papers on the library desk I usually work at."

Padma wondered why it never occurred to Luna, paranoid about aliens, the ministry's army, and a million other fictional or at least highly doubtable things as she was, that someone was letting her have that information on purpose, to have a laugh about what she made of it. Those unbidden listeners seemed likely candidates, regarding the fact they were hardly hiding their giggles now.

"Listen, Luna", Padma said, unsure of how to put it but determined to let Luna see the truth.

Luna didn't wait for her to continue. "You know, it does make sense." She leaned forward, closer to Padma, and whispered: "Take these girls right next to us, for example. Why else would they be watching us so intently?"


	4. All Is Fair

_Not much of a story, but well_

* * *

**If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume I am not allowed to do it**

Parvati giggled.

Since giggling seemed to be her default state, no one in the common room paid her much attention for it, with the only exception of Lavender, who leaned closer. "What?" She had just been busy with her DADA homework, and thought Parvati was, too, so to her the giggle came as quite a surprise.

Parvati pressed a hand against her lips in a vain attempt to stifle her laughter and pointed to the book that had been distracting her from homework for the better part of the last half hour. Its ominous title was: "All Is Fair – Spells and Potions for Your Success in Love". Parvati had ordered it via mail and received it just yesterday afternoon.

Lavender curiously leaned closer and, reading the page, broke into giggles as well. The page held a detailed description of how to make someone fall for the person they disliked most. The spell would wear off after a couple of hours, it said, but until then…

The eyes of the girls met. Parvati's were watering by now. "Filch," they said as one, and laughed so hard that some heads finally did turn to them.


End file.
